The nicest man on earth
by Loveedith
Summary: I wrote the first chapter as a therapy for my fears about Edith/Anthony, before 3:3 aired. The rest of the chapters are after 3:3. No AU.
1. A widow

A/N: Spoiler warning 3:1 and 3:2. Speculation about 3:3

I hate writing this, but I have to get it out of my system to be able to work. And I DO hope I'm wrong!

...

She had never been happier than when Reverend Travis pronounced them husband and wife. And when she lifted her veil and looked up at him, while he bowed down and kissed her in front of all their friends and relatives. She was so wonderfully happy. He was the nicest man on earth and he loved her and no one else! It was more like a dream than reality! Such a lovely dream!

And she had never been more unhappy than she was now. This was a very different kind of dream. A nightmare, but one she knew she would never wake up from.

...

She had told him he had his life ahead of him, but she had been wrong. He had told her she had given him back his life, but that had been wrong too. There was very little left of his life when those words were spoken.

...

All happy memories she had from her adult life had to do with him. How he came to invite her out instead of Mary. All those drives with him. That wonderful concert. And when he told her he would propose to her on that garden party. So thoughtful to give her the chance to think it over. She only wished he hadn't been so thoughtful then, because she would have said yes at once, and they could have had many happy years together by now, and a child or two with his wonderful blue eyes to give her some comfort. But now - they hadn't even got a wedding night. No chance of a child on it's way.

How happy she had been over the real proposal, when at last it came. They had been singing together - Let me call you sweetheart - and after that he had taken her aside to one of the smaller rooms. And asked her if she would ever consider getting married to him. And she had said YES! And she had said OF COURSE! And they had kissed and hugged and everything had been wonderful.

...

But now he was dead, just like that. His heart had stopped during the wedding reception. He was talking and smiling at her, and suddenly he just fell down on the ground. When she got down to him she couldn't hear his heart beat. The doctor came running but he could do nothing but confirm that Anthony was dead.

...

Afterwards, she was back in the room at Downton where she had lived all her life. Crying her heart out. She had been a wife for just a few hours, and now she was a widow. Without a husband. She cried when she took off that lovely wedding dress. HE should have helped her take that off! All the wonderful things they should have done tonight!

She couldn't stand seeing that wedding gown. She went out to the stairs and threw it down into the big hall.

And her tears would never stop falling.

...

Did she have regrets? Of course she had. Regrets that she had made so much fuss about the wedding, instead of spending that time with him. Regrets about all those stupid fights with Mary that had stopped her from marrying him years ago. Regrets about many things.

But she had no regrets about marrying him, making him marry her, to be true. Because she was sure he was a happy man when he died.

And that was the only real comfort she had left now.

...

A/N: This is all about why I think Sir Anthony will die. Don't read it!

I fear and I think that this or something very similar is going to happen. I hope it wont, but I think it will. And then I will stop watching DA, or maybe be able to watch it like any other TV-series, just to have something to do when I'm knitting, not really caring about what happens on screen.

JF has a tendency to kill off the nicest characters. Sweet selfless Lavinia, who had been a much more suitable wife for Matthew than the manipulative Mary. The lovely William, everybody's friend.

And has there ever been a nicer person in DA than Sir Anthony? Has there ever been a nicer person in ANY series, for that matter?

Imdb says that Sir Anthony will be in every episode, but i simply think that is wrong. After all Lady Edith is only in the first 2 episodes according to Imdb, and we already know she is in the third episode at least, so it doesn't seem too reliable.

And I think Robert Bathurst did some radio stuff in the summer, though maybe he was able to do both that and Sir Anthony. And I know he has talked about the cast making a Christmas Special, which they of course were, but probably not with him in it. Smokescreens.

I consider it a big mistake to kill off Sir Anthony. (If they do so) Not only because he is an adorable character, one of the most interesting in the series, but also because his bad arm is really the only reminder in the series that there has been a war at all. And all this bickering about money to save Downton is frankly not very interesting as a plotline, we all know Downton will be saved one way or the other. (Possibly Edith's inheritance.)

I have invested so much in this couple. I really care too much about something that isn't for real!

Please read my story Someone Who Calls Me Lovely if you want to know what REALLY happened to Edith and Anthony.

Or some of all the other E/A fan fiction, the Flummoxed series by Spottedhorse are some of my personal favourites for being both funny and adorable. Just like our couple.


	2. The morning after the wedding

A/N: After watching 3:3 I am actually glad that nothing worse happened. I have been so terribly worried.

...

Edith woke up crying. So it was a nightmare after all! It took her some time to sort out what was a dream and what had really happened. But she knew she was still in her old room at Downton. And she wasn't a widow. And she had never been a wife. A spinster, as always. As ever.

To her surprise it all came as a relief. At least he wasn't dead.

And it wasn't her gown she had thrown down the hallway, only her veil.

He had called her his dearest darling. And he had let her down so terribly. Why didn't he understand her, when she understood him so well. She blamed her Granny, she blamed her Papa, for making Anthony think he wasn't worthy of her.

She knew that he loved her. And she knew what a terrible sacrifice he had made for her. Without understanding that the sacrifice was almost as great for her. That she loved him. That she thought he was the nicest man on earth.

And she understood that by breaking it up like he did, in public like that, in such a scandalous way, he was assuring that she would have all the sympathies, and he none. Leaving Lord Grantham's daughter at the altar! The few friends he had would probably turn against him. He would be so terribly lonely. She sobbed.

All he had wanted was for her to be happy. He had said so, and she knew it was true. Why couldn't he understand that she had never been really happy except when she was with him? If he had only understood how happy she had been seeing him standing there in church, waiting for her. She had been so happy and he had smashed it all to pieces.

Right now it was nothing she could do. Get up, get through the day. Being the helpful daughter. The spinster.

When she thought that she could have been on her way to Rome with him today, after a wedding-night with him, she started crying again. She had been so happy, he had made her so happy. If she only had managed to make him understand that!

...

A/N:

I don't know if we will ever see the lovely Sir Anthony again. I hope so, and I hope he will marry Edith eventually. But if nothing of that will happen, at least I'm glad he is alive and can sit in his library and feel a little proud of himself for being able to give up Edith in a way that would cast all the blame on himself. Because in my world he loves her so terribly.


	3. The wedding

It was the morning after the wedding. Edith had got out of bed and had breakfast in the dining room at Downton, like a good spinster should. Keeping a stiff upper lip, answering "I'm fine" to all inquiries about how she felt. Reading the morning papers. She was done crying, at least she thought so.

When breakfast was finished she was back in her room, a pen in hand and writing papers before her. She was trying to figure out what had really happened in church the day before. Getting through the details. What Anthony had said and why he had done what he had done. So she tried to put it all down in writing, as she used to when she wanted to sort things up.

Edith: Good afternoon! (Whispering, with an unsteady voice)

Anthony: Good afternoon, my sweet one! (Also whispering)

That was the start, and so far so good. She had been so happy she could hardly speak, and she hadn't noticed anything special with him. Maybe he had looked a little nervous, but he had smiled at her and she was fairly sure there was love in his eyes when he uttered those words. He liked to call her little endearing things like that, and she so enjoyed hearing them.

What happened next? Oh yes!

Travis: Dearly beloved...

Anthony: I can't do this.

She didn't understand what he was saying at the time, but it was all crystal clear in her memory. Her brain had registered without taking it in, and now she could replay it in her mind like it was happening again. She knew most other people didn't have this kind of memory, at least Mary and Sybil didn't have it when they were small, they never remembered what people were saying. Edith wondered if it was a curse or a blessing, remembering things right down to the details like this. When she was little, she never had problems learning things by heart, but it had been harder to use the things she had learned.

What next? Yes!

Papa: What!

Anthony (to Papa): I can't do it. You know it's wrong, you told me so yourself, several times.

What did that mean? Now that she saw it written down, she understood something she hadn't yesterday. Papa had told Anthony he wasn't good enough for Edith. Yet again! Several times! Oh, how could he! After all the problem she had had persuading Anthony how much he meant to her, how good he was for her.

And the big problem with Anthony being older was that he thought he needed her parents approval to marry her. Like it was when he grew up. That was the only real problem about him being older, in fact. He was such a modern man in all other respects, his estate was the most modern and well kept she knew of, and he always was up to date with what happened in the world.

Papa: My dear chap...

Anthony: No. I never should have let it get this far. I should have stopped it long ago. I tried to stop it.

Edith: What are you saying? I don't understand what you are saying.

Well she understood now. He thought she had pushed him. And she knew she had. Because she loved him so much. And because she knew he loved her. Well, she had thought she knew that he loved her but didn't think he had any right to her.

He wasn't really accusing her when he said this, only saying he hadn't been able to resist her. Which was quite endearing, in a way.

Anthony: Edith!

He had looked around, and lowered his voice again, he didn't want all those people to hear him.

Anthony: (whispering) Edith! I can't let you throw away your life like this.

Edith: (taking his hand in hers) What do you mean? We are so happy, aren't we? We are going to be so terribly, terribly happy.

Anthony: (still whispering) But you are going to be happy! I pray that you are. But only if you don't waste yourself on me.

Well, this was really devastating. And to think she had run all that way from church to her home fearing that he didn't love her! When it was so, so obvious he loved her much too much! If only...

Papa: Anthony, it is too late for this.

Well, at least Papa was trying to talk Anthony into getting through with the wedding, even if he hadn't supported it before.

Travis: Might I suggest we all take a step back...

Granny (coming forwards): No, let him go, let him go. You know he is right. Don't stop him doing the only sensible thing he's come up with in months.

Anthony: Thank you lady Grantham.

He had said that in his normal voice, peculiarly enough. He was thanking Granny for interfering! Why? Because he didn't think he would have the strength to get away from Edith otherwise?

Edith: But Granny...

Granny: No, no it's over my dear. Don't drag it out. Wish him well and let him go.

Edith: I can't.

Anthony: (whispering again) Goodbye my dearest darling! May God bless you! Always!

And then he turned around and left the church without even looking back! And her heart broke more for every step he took away from her.

What did all this mean? Well, some things were obvious, after all. He did love her. He loved her so very much. Which really was the most important thing. Because he was the only man ever to have loved her.

The "always" made her worry. He was obviously planning never to see her again. What was he planning to do? After all they were neighbours, they were bound to bump into each other sooner or later, if he stayed here. She had a terrible vision of him getting out a rope and... no she didn't even dare to finish that thought. And she suddenly knew he wasn't going to kill himself, because he would know that would leave her so devastated she couldn't get on with her life ever again. Leaving her at the altar was bad, but killing himself would make his whole sacrifice come to nought. She would never be happy with anything else or anyone else if he killed himself because of her. So at least she knew he would live.

She thought of going to his place, telling him he was all wrong from beginning to end, but what would that help? Even if she was able to persuade him again, she wouldn't be happy on her next wedding day. She would never trust him to get through with it, and neither would anyone else.

A new wedding would never be like the beginning of the one she had had. She had been so happy. Come to think of it, he had given her that happy morning! Better remember that and not how unhappy she got later on! And Mama had called her beautiful! The first time ever. Well, the first time ever that she remembered, at least. Not helpful, but beautiful! And she had felt she really was, she even thought she looked very much better in her bridal gown than Mary had in hers. But then again Mary had got her man, and she hadn't.

The only thing she could do now was to try to comfort Anthony, to make him feel a little better about himself. And the only way to do that now was to get on with her life. Hearing about that might make him feel his sacrifice was worth while, however misguided it was. So she had to find herself something useful to do.

At the end of all that conversation in church, she wrote on the paper:

"He loves me. He loves me so much he gave up his whole life for me. All his friends, all his social reputation. No one will remember the sweet, wonderful Anthony that he is and has always been. All he ever will be remembered for is walking out of our wedding. It was so wrong of him, but I know it hurt him much more than it hurt me."

After a few minutes of deep thought she added:

"I love him, but he loves me very much more than i love him."

Then she locked all those papers in her drawer.

She cried one last time. But she didn't cry for the same reason as yesterday. She didn't cry because she felt unloved. She cried for him. Because she was sure now that no woman on earth had ever been loved so much by a man as she was loved by Anthony.

And that was what would make her stronger. Being loved by the nicest man on earth. Not being tested, as her mother had said, but knowing that he really, really loved her.

AN: I think Edith is based on JF:s maiden aunt. Mary is partly based on his wife. So I don't think we can expect Edith ever to be happily married to anyone. Or the Mary storyline to be very interesting.

Robert Bathurst has said in an interview that 3:3 was his last episode. But maybe that is a smoke screen as well?

Well, at least this Edith/Anthony-development has cured me of my Downton obsession. There will be one or perhaps two more chapters of this story, I think it needs an Anthony chapter. And a few more chapters of my AU story 'Good afternoon, my sweet one'. After that I will stop writing fan fiction. And I may even be able to stop seeing the remaining episodes on the internet, and wait till they come in my country. Which I guess the producers think is a good thing.

And I think I need to say yet again that I like Edith/Anthony together _despite_ of their age difference, NOT_ because of_ it. And please don't try to make me change my mind, because I wont. I think it's their personalities that work so well together, not their age. I think Edith would fall in love with someone with Anthony's personality and interests (and looks and height), no matter what his age.

But it seems that people in relationships with people far from their own ages are the ones who really _don't_ think that 'age is just a number'. And it also seems they are the only ones in favour of Edith/Anthony, which to me is a little sad.

You are of course all of you, entitled to your own opinions!


	4. Regrets

AN: This chapter contains spoilers from the previews of 3:4. I have not seen the full episode, only the previews, so I might have got some things wrong.

...

When he left the church, he was careful to keep a straight face. Holding back his tears until he was outside where no one could see him. He didn't want anyone to tell her that he had cried when he left her.

...

After that he had spent his wedding night praying and crying.

Praying for Edith, as he had promised her to do. Praying for her to get over what he had done to her, to be able to be happy again. Praying for her to stop loving him. Praying for her to have a full life, to have a happy marriage to someone more suitable than he was, someone younger and healthier, someone who loved her just as much as he did. Praying for her to some day have some children.

He wasn't crying for Edith, though. Even if he was fairly certain that she was crying too, and that hurt to think about. But what he was really crying over was his own lost life. The life she had given back to him, the life he had thrown away.

He had been crying and he had been praying, but he hadn't been regretting. Because he was sure what he had done was right. As things had turned out he had done the only possible thing left for him to do.

...

Just before morning came he suddenly happened to think of Larry Grey. And that was the first time Sir Anthony had had any regrets about what he had done to Edith. Grey was a young chap with his life ahead of him. Grey was a man with the use of both his arms. But still he was so definitely not what Anthony wanted for Edith.

Come to think of it, what he really wanted for her was someone very much like himself. An Anthony Strallan that was twenty or at least ten years younger and had two good arms. A man who loved Edith more than he loved himself. A man who was ready to sacrifice everything he had for her sake.

...

The next morning Sir Anthony let the young girl they had hired as a lady's maid to Lady Edith go with half a year's wages. He could afford to be generous now, his estate was well kept and there was no chance he would ever have a family to support.

...

As the days and weeks passed by he became more resigned to his fate. He sat in his library and went for long walks on his estate. He let his staff take care of all his contacts with the outside world, just like he had done during that first year after the war, when he had let no one know of his injury. The difference was that now he didn't get any invitations to turn down, not a single one.

That invitation for tea from old Lady Grantham had been the first he accepted since he came back from the war. He had seen no harm in it then, having a chance to talk about Edith with one of her relatives, but now he regretted going there. Even if it had been so lovely seeing Edith again. Even if it had led up to the happiest months of his life.

...

He nearly choked on his tea when he was reading his paper one morning. Edith had written an article in the paper about women's suffrage! It was well-written and well-argued. He felt very proud that the intelligent young woman who had written that article had once loved him.

Before throwing away the paper that morning he cut out Edith's article and put it in the drawer where he kept the few things he had left from his courtship of her. Dinner-invitations to Downton, tickets for concerts and the theatre, among them the tickets to that concert in York. A couple of photographs. The few letters and notes she had sent him during their time together.

He took a very long walk in the fields that morning, it was a warm and sunny day. This was the first sign he had had that Edith was able to occupy her mind with things other than his abominable behaviour towards her.

He had, at last, a very unusual feeling of peacefulness.

...

A couple of months later he got a letter from Edith, postmarked in London. It took him more than two days before he dared to open it. He even considered throwing it into the fire unopened, but at last his curiosity got the better of him.

_Dear Anthony,_

_I write this from London, where I am going to stay for some time, maybe forever. I write because I want you to know that you can go out in the village and Ripon without the risk of meeting me._

_I hope you read my article in the newspaper - in fact, knowing you, I know you read it - and I hope you liked it. I am in London because I have accepted to write a regular column in the paper. It will give me enough money to start living an independent life. Please be proud of me, because most of my relatives are not very proud of me at all._

_As you can see I am trying to do what you wanted me to, get on with my life, and I think you ought to do the same._

_I think what you did to me was wrong, but I have forgiven you. I know you didn't do it to hurt me. And I have not turned into a miss Havisham, because I know that you are so definitely different from the man who jilted her. I know you did what you did for my sake, because you thought it was best for me. But you were wrong. I am a grown up and have the right to make my own decisions and mistakes. The fact that you didn't let me do just that is perhaps a sign that our marriage might not have been very successful in the long run._

_Don't answer this letter. What was between us is over, you have seen to that. I wish things had gone differently, but I still think you are the nicest man on earth._

_Best regards,_

_Edith_

He cried for the first time in weeks. He had accomplished what he wanted, she had managed to move on and away from him. Not in the way he had expected her to do, perhaps. But he was really proud of her, he had always known she was exceptionally intelligent, that was part of why he loved her so much.

Things were changing after the war, and it stung a bit that she didn't think he had cared enough about her opinion. She was right, of course, and he had been wrong letting her relatives decide what was best for her, instead of letting her do it herself.

He had always prided himself of being a modern man, and when it came to agriculture and new inventions he was just that.

But his private life he had conducted like the world hadn't yet left the Victorian era.

He had never felt older.

...

AN: This is the end of this story. I wrote the last chapters to analyse and try to understand what JF did to this couple in 3:3. And I think I am a little better able to see what led up to it all now, although I still feel that it is very much out of character for Anthony.

The acting in Edith's and Anthony's wedding-and-after scenes in the series is so very good and heartbreaking. So in a way I really like those scenes. Which is a little difficult to admit, since I so desperately want this couple to be together.

And I guess you should not expect too much logic in the characters' behaviour in Downton. Downton is very much a part of the English tradition of Charles Dickens, with all its exaggerations, and not of the English tradition of Jane Austen, with the fine psychological nuances.

And happily ever after doesn't make very good television, which is amply proved in Downton by all boring Mary/Matthew scenes. There are good reasons why fairy tales usually end with the wedding!


End file.
